Wedding Night Sex: Expectations vs Reality

Relationships

Wedding Night Sex: Expectations vs Reality

He’s put a ring on it, the party’s over and you’re finally alone together – what’s next? Sex and relationships counsellor Matthew Bartolo gives OurWedding the lowdown on the much anticipated first night.

What’s more sensual and passionate than the thought of wedding night sex? Even though fewer people are waiting until marriage to consummate their relationship, there’s still something thrilling about the thought of your first time together as a married couple. But is it really all that it’s cracked up to be?

ROMANTIC IDEALS

“The idea of wedding night sex is a very romantic one as it celebrates the union of a couple,” says sex and relationships counsellor Matthew Bartolo. “This same romantic ideal puts pressure on the couple as expectations are set that are sometimes impossible to achieve. Most fantasise about having adventurous and loving sex because it's the first night they're spending together as a married couple – but after a whole day of preparing and hosting guests, many people will feel like doing nothing except taking off their make-up, letting their hair down and falling asleep in each other's arms.”

UNDER PRESSURE

“Sex is about the connection and intimacy,” Matthew says. “Such a connection can be experienced regardless of the date, time, or occasion. On the other hand, when sex is put under pressure it tends to be counterproductive and the couple, or one half of it, might not ‘perform’ as well as they usually do.”

COMMUNICATION IS KEY

“I would encourage the couple to discuss this between them on the way to the house or hotel. If they're tired they can postpone it for the following morning instead of causing more pressure on each other. Sex is an experience that we share together so it is important to talk about it and postpone it if need be.”

MAKING TIME FOR EACH OTHER

So is there any way that a couple can make the wedding night more wonderful and memorable for each other, whether there’s sex involved or not? “I always suggest that the couple spend some time away from the guests on their wedding night. Look at your own party from afar and take it all in. These people came to celebrate you as a couple. Take some time off from hosting and just be the couple you have chosen to be. This is your night.”