The Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle, has revealed that she suffered a miscarriage in July 2020 in an opinion piece she wrote for the New York Times. In the heartfelt article, she shared her experience and that a pathway to healing from what was a very difficult year for all us could perhaps begin with three simple words: ‘Are you OK?’
“It was a July morning that began as ordinarily as any other day: Make breakfast. Feed the dogs. Take vitamins. Find that missing sock. Pick up the rogue crayon that rolled under the table. Throw my hair in a ponytail before getting my son from his crib,” she starts off.
“After changing his diaper, I felt a sharp cramp. I dropped to the floor with him in my arms, humming a lullaby to keep us both calm, the cheerful tune a stark contrast to my sense that something was not right.”
“I knew, as I clutched my firstborn child, that I was losing my second.”
“Hours later, I lay in a hospital bed, holding my husband’s hand. I felt the clamminess of his palm and kissed his knuckles, wet from both our tears. Staring at the cold white walls, my eyes glazed over. I tried to imagine how we’d heal.”
She recalls a moment last year as the royals were finishing up their South Africa tour when a journalist asked her, ‘Are you OK?’ Being a new mum, she said she was “trying to keep a brave face in the very public eye.” But it wasn’t the fact that she responded honestly that helped her, but the question itself. “Thank you for asking,” she said. “Not many people have asked if I’m OK.”
“Sitting in a hospital bed, watching my husband’s heart break as he tried to hold the shattered pieces of mine, I realized that the only way to begin to heal is to first ask, ‘Are you OK?’” she shares.
She goes on to sharing thoughts about grief during an already-difficult time. “Losing a child means carrying an almost unbearable grief, experienced by many but talked about by few. In the pain of our loss, my husband and I discovered that in a room of 100 women, 10 to 20 of them will have suffered from miscarriage. Yet despite the staggering commonality of this pain, the conversation remains taboo, riddled with (unwarranted) shame, and perpetuating a cycle of solitary mourning.”
“We have learned that when people ask how any of us are doing, and when they really listen to the answer, with an open heart and mind, the load of grief often becomes lighter — for all of us. In being invited to share our pain, together we take the first steps toward healing,” she writes.