Today is opera singer Cliff Zammit Stevens’ late mum’s birthday. Marcy passed away a few years back and Cliff, without fail, shares a heartfelt tribute post to his angel every year. This year’s tribute really tugged at the heartstrings.
“Every year I sit down and try and reflect on what I am feeling throughout the weeks and days leading up to your birthday. Even though every year is different, filled with new things – both exciting and difficult, the one feeling that always seems to remain is the feeling of isolation,” he starts off in his post on social media.
“I’ll admit, some years feel harder than others. Some years the timing of everything else in life seems to be aligning to create the perfect storm of pain while other years things do seem to be going a bit better to cause a little less resentment and anger for the cards that I have been dealt.”
“Nevertheless, every year right around Your birthday or anniversary, the anger and the isolation tend to shine through significantly more than any other time of the year. The anger is there when I see a mum and son shopping. The anger is there every time I see a Facebook or Instagram post sharing gratitude for the mum that someone has in their life. The anger is there every time I know my friend can’t attend our plans because they are doing something with their mum instead.”
“I’m not angry at them,” he explains. “I’m angry at the cards that I’ve been dealt. I’m not mad that they still have their mum. I’m jealous. I’m not frustrated at the fact that they get to do these things with their mums. I feel lonely and isolated that I will never get to do these things.”
“As the years go by, the anger, isolation and jealousy don’t weigh as heavy on the day to day. However, the month and days leading up to Your day have a way of bringing all of those emotions right back front and centre.”
“Honestly I don’t just miss you mum, I yearn for you. Everyday there is a feeling that lives inside my body and it longs for you. It takes my breath away and sometimes I feel like I’m suffocating. I don’t just miss you mum, my heart cries silently for you every minute of every day. I was never ready for you to leave. You weren’t ready yourself.”
Our thoughts are with Cliff and his family. Happy birthday in Heaven, Marcy.